Friday, June 09, 2006

The nuclear family has a new pet

A mongrel dog with brown shaggy hair, smelly feet and puppy-dog eyes lumbered into my house yesterday afternoon, growled, snatched a pair of jeans from the dirty laundry pile, and lumbered back out leaving dog-slobber all over the front door knob.

About an hour later, the very same brown shaggy-haired mongrel dog lumbered back in snarling something that sounded like: "grrrrGGASSS grrrrMMMONNEY." Oddly for a brown shaggy-haired mongrel, he was wearing a pair of filthy jeans that looked vaguely like something I'd once purchased at REI for my teenage son.

Shortly afterward, I received an urgent phone call from Dad-Who-Would-Be-Outlaw. Shockingly, the very same brown shaggy-haired mongrel dog had lumbered into The-House-of-Dad.

Now, there is only one hard-and-fast rule in The-House-of-Dad, and it's quite simple: no shoes on the cream-colored carpet.

Too lazy to take off his shoes, the brown shaggy-haired mongrel dog had skirted the law by crawling on, paws...and knees through Dad's house. The mongrel dog's front paws were fully covered with dirt all the way up past his elbows and his, claws...closely resembled the La Brea Tar Pits thereby eliminating, in one fell swoop, all benefit gained from said "no shoes" rule.

The brown shaggy-haired mongrel dog was snarling something at Dad-Who-Would-Be-Outlaw...something that sounded sort of like: "gggrrrrrSAT grrrrSSCOORRES."

A few moments later, Dad-Who-Would-Be-Outlaw reported that the brown shaggy-haired mongrel dog had brought him a ragged piece of dog-slobbered, chewed-up paper in his teeth. At the top of this paper was printed something that started with the words, "College Boards."

The rest was obliterated by dog slobber and chew marks.

I wonder if we'll ever know how the Teenager scored on his SATs.


Mindy Tarquini said...

Now see...I was thinking it was a really doggy right up until the second blue jeans reference.

To those who don't know Elizabeth, she is the Francis of Assisi of household pets. She came to my house and they gathered liked she had bacon bits glued to her pants leg.

Ballpoint Wren said...

You and Elizabeth have met, M.G.? I'm jealous!

As for a certain somebody in blue jeans, it sounds like he might be in the doghouse? Heh!

Elizabeth Krecker said...

He probably would be in the dog house if only we could find him. There have been sightings from the parents of his friends and staticy phone calls from his cell, but neither of us has actually SEEN the brown shaggy-haired mongrel dog since the day of the SAT scores incident.

We're thinking of checking the animal shelters this afternoon.

And yes, I had the great fortune of meeting the elusive M.G. precisely three days before Miss Snark made her famous. Check out the link to her short story at I gotcher Miss Congeniality right here!.

Remember the little people, M.G.

Elizabeth Krecker said...

Bonnie, I do hope if you get to Phoenix you'll pay a visit, too! And if I get to San Diego, I'll be sure to let you know!

M. C. Pearson said...

Oh it is a mud smeared cream carpet.

At first when I read, Grrrgasgrrr grrmoneygrrr...I thought it said Grass money. Yikes! Phew, glad it wasn't! Ha.

Anonymous said...

I think I came into this thread too late to know the backstory on the boy.

Good luck with that. And I dont think shock collars are legal on that breed, but whatever works for you.

Jessie said...

I had to laugh as I imagined him crawling across the carpet so he wouldn't have to take off his shoes. My mom was rather anal...and I remember, when I was younger, doing that often.

oh, those were the days! :)-

Esther Avila said...

:) Gotta love those puppy dog tales. LOL - at first I thought it was really doggy too.