A light bulb burned out on the track lighting in my kitchen.
Since my ceilings are 14’ tall, changing a light bulb requires borrowing a gigantic ladder from my mother. Which requires arranging the calendars of a teenager, a retiree with too much to do, a working-class gal, a truck and a truck bed full of bungee cords.
Weeks later, we finally procure the ladder. The Teenager brings it into the kitchen, I climb up, twist out the old bulb, twist in the new. The new bulb doesn’t work.
Hm. Why?
I fiddle and futz and find an interesting little switch I think might be the “on” button. I switch it to the right.
Wrong.
It is the "attach" button. The entire light bulb fixture falls out of my hands and vaporizes on the ceramic tile 14' below.
I go to Ace Hardware and buy a new fixture. I climb up on my mother’s ladder to install it, but can’t make it fit.
Hmmm. Why?
Back to Ace Hardware. This time I bring the Teenager-Who-Is-Expert-In-All-Things-Mechanical. We learn that my track lighting system is obsolete. No one makes a light fixture to fit. No one.
We buy a brand new brush-metal track lighting system with halogen bulbs. VERY trendy.
We take down the old fixture and discover that the paint underneath it is lavender. Ick…but nothing a little touch-up won’t fix. Except my touch-up paint is dried out.
Back to Ace Hardware, hauling the Teenager-Turned-Helpful-Ace-Hardware-Man with me, where we learn that the base paint for the paint color of my 14’ tall, 325 sq. ft, kitchen/Arizona room ceiling is obsolete. The paint can’t be matched. Ever.
The Teenager disappears.
My mother leaves longing messages about her ladder on my voice mail.
I purchase gallons of new paint, furniture covers, painter’s tape, scrapers, rollers, a long handle and brushes. It takes me three weekends to repaint the ceiling. We have no light. I burn lots of dinners. The ladder becomes a permanent fixture in the center of our kitchen complete with a collection of coffee cups and unpaid bills.
The big day arrives. The Teenager and I turn off all the circuit breakers in the house. He installs the new track lighting system. Gently unwraps the halogen bulbs. Twists them in. We turn back on the electricity.
Eleven weeks, $253.16 and 19 burned dinners later...we have a fresh light bulb in our kitchen.
24 comments:
Well – hopefully that light bulb will last for a LONG time so if you calculate the $ on an average per day it works, it might not be that bad. Just a suggestion!
Nineteen burned dinners? With a 17-year-old in the house? The damage, I fear, is incalculable!
Oh dear heavens, Meetzorp...and you've only just started your project! May that window be your only discovery!
Your kitchen sounds like my lawn, Elizabeth.
Adam
This is why I never fix anything. When the last
lightbulb has been used, it's time to move.
I'm with Corey on this one. We've also got a 14-foot kitchen ceiling, and right now there are two burned-out lightbulbs. Hubby is already dusting off the For Sale sign.
And here's my thinking the song went "There's a hole in the bucket".
I forgot, you asked if I was from Winnipeg (I'm unsure whether my responding to a comment on my site ever gets back). Yes, I'm originally from much farther north Manitoba (Thompson, actually), and have much family in the Peg.
Oh, this is PRECIOUS, Elizabeth! It's like a Rube Goldberg device, like that rhyme about 'for want of a nail...'
So now you have a freshly painted kitchen and a cool new light fixure.
When's the party?
Meetzorp hit the nail on the head....perhaps I shouldn't use that expression...
Welcome, Corey!
Great suggestion, Bonnie and Corey, but now that I've spent three months changing a light bulb, I think I'll stick around!
Stephen, lucky for us, we didn't need a bucket or things might have gotten really out of hand!
M.G., That party's coming soon...as soon as I figure out how to fix my leaky kitchen faucet.
Bernita, you're right to watch what you say...that's how it starts. Start hitting nails on the head and next thing you know you'll be replacing your roof!
Oh my gosh Elizabeth--you are too much! Sorry to hear about your lightbulb nightmare but, I must admit, it made for good reading. :)-
Jessie, you're hanging upside down on my blog! Are you changing light bulbs, too? ;-)
E. Ann, too funny! Not THAT kind of futz! The metaphorical kind!
My wife said she should have married an electrician. I should have married a cook. After 30+ years, we do get along.
Let's see, leaky faucet:
Washer overtightened, faucet breaks.
New faucets different gauge from old faucets, new sink.
New sink different gauge from old sink, new countertops.
Glue for old countertops too strong, menfolk too brawny about getting them off, new cabinets.
New cabinets make floor look dated, new floor.
Gosh, next to that nice new kitchen, the living room is looking just a leetle too eighties...
Steve, sounds like you and your wife have a great arrangement. Besides, you can pay a great electrician and a great cook, but you can't buy a great spouse! Congratulations to both of you!
M.G. Hmmm...maybe I should skip fixing the faucet. I'm still paying off the second mortgage I took out to feed the Teenager last year.
Isn't Mindy a right little ray of sunshine? Sheesh!
Still, with your kitchen karma, it might be a good idea to wait a little while on the faucet scenario.
Me thinks you have the making of an entertaining short story here....
Elizabeth, which is why I write. To earn enough money to hire a butler to take care of these things for me. =)
Now THAT'S the way to change a lightbulb. hehe!
UPDATE: The Helpful-Ace-Hardware-Man bought us a sleek new faucet and changed out the old leaky one for the new. Sadly, the new faucet wobbles. Why? My sink is too thin and apparently, I need a new one.
Sigh.
Brett, that sounds like a great idea! Fiction has to be less less expensive than changing a light bulb!
Especially if it allows me to afford Dana's butler!
That light bulb better last forever! Damn, that's serious. Did your mom ever get her ladder back? That reminds me I need to return my neighbor's ladder tomorrow. Never did use it.
Yes, my gracious and dear mother finally got her ladder back. Three months after loaning it to me. She was so happy to see it, she forgot to be annoyed!
Boy, I'm starting to contemplate a similar project and this does not cheer me up (though I laughed several times-- with you not at you)
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