My son actually talked to me. I was so shocked that, had I been driving, I would have driven into a wall.
It began as a meaningful conversation. About a school activity, no less. He showed me a film he had created. And it was good. Very good, actually. REALLY good! And he talked to me about how he scripted it, his ideas, his goals, his dreams!! And the film was about stopping teenage drinking and driving!!! My son, the future Stephen Spielberg and every mother’s DREAM, all in one package!!!!
Then, I learned the truth. We’ve created a monster.
Queen Mom: “Sweetie, we’re looking into sponsoring a teenage drinking and driving program here at the hospital, and I’d love to show your film to the people in charge!”
The Teenager: “Well, if you use it, you realize it will cost you.”
Queen Mom: “Well, um, honey, I don’t know if they’ll use it, I just thought they might get some good ideas from it. We’re looking at how to reach teenagers.”
The Teenager: “Ah, so you want to steal my ideas. My book on filmmaking warned me about that.”
Queen Mom: “Well, er, um, sweetie, I just want to show them how you reached out to teenagers.”
The Teenager: “Ah, so what you really need is a marketing plan. My consulting fee is $90 per hour.”
Queen Mom: “Um, well, dear. Can’t I just show it to them? Promise…we won’t do anything else with it unless we talk to you.”
The Teenager: “Ok, well, then it’s ok if you show them the film, but you’ll have to agree to my Terms of Agreement. I’ll e-mail it to you.”
The e-mail came within minutes:
>>>
Dearest Mother,
By opening and/or downloading this attachment, you hereby agree to the
following terms:
1) You and/or the company you are associated with will not duplicate, replicate, use, distribute, reverse engineer, rebroadcast, modify or deconstruct any and all of the property contained in this attachment.
2) This attachment and the associated property, known as Stay Alive at 25, is a produced documentary film, whose sole ownership lies with Pulse Productions and its producer.
3) License to the above rights is available solely from Pulse Productions and its producer, who can be contacted by simply replying to this message.
4) Any deviation from these terms will result in a federal and/or state
lawsuit from yours truly, Pulse Productions and its producer.
Love ya!
Justin
>>>
At this point, I headed straight for the wine rack and opened a bottle of Zinfandel just as The Teenager bounded into the kitchen looking for his pre-dinner snack (usually an entire bowl of mashed potatoes).
The Teenager: “Mom, you shouldn’t be drinking you know.”
Queen Mom: “Honey, it’s ok, I was just going to have a little glass of wine before dinner.”
The Teenager: “I hope you don’t plan on driving ‘cause I’m hiding your car keys.”
parenting teenagers daily life humor
9 comments:
I wasn't that smart as a teenager. he's good. really good.
Egads!!!You've created a monster, alright!!! LOL!!! With those terms, I also give "Living in this house and paying for food and rent terms" LOL...that aughta' give you some room for negotiation!!LOL!!
Thanks for visiting my blog! Come again!
I can see Bonnie got there first!
Since he's obviously going to be earning his first million sometime soon I think I'd start racking up his business expenses in terms of wear and tear on your household and fridge - and maybe the kitchen diner could be relabelled "the works canteen". Start dishing out those invoices SOON!
Wow, he wrote THAT? I wonder if this is what I have in store for me???
Hi Elizabeth! I wandered in from E. Ann Bardawill's, but I suppose I could have wandered in from Bonnie's. This conversation sounds like it could be frighteningly familiar in a few years. Fellow Phoenician here. Maybe all the sunshine makes them so optimistic?
My first visit here...loved that post! I wish I had the balls to do stuff like that when I was a teenager.
Instead, I just gave dirty looks when my mom's back was turned or vacuumed frownily.
Hmmm. I'd say the price of mashed potatoes just went up dramatically. Not to mention "carrying charges" from 18 years ago. And of course he'll never be able to use anything from his home life in a film without infringing on your creative property: your ongoing "performance art" creation.
Heh! What a clever little noodle your boy is. Let's have some Zinfandel together and toast to him: [clink!] nobody will be able to take advantage of that kid!
Cheetarah, Bonnie C., Katherine, Todd, M.G., Paul, Melati, John and Bonnie W.:
The scariest thing? I made not one single word of this up.
Thank heavens for Zinfandel!!
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